Some Things You Just Don't Do
by Maliciously Creative
Summary: Naruto knows that in life, there are some things you should NEVER do. Too bad he forgot the one about messing with a girls' hair. SasuNaru, KakaIru (mentioned only) yaoi, shonen-ai


I am SOOOO bad. I should have been writing for Pokemon Master Sasuke and this along with another fic (it will be posted soon) came into my sick little head and refused to leave until I wrote it. So here it is. It's basically a one-shot that I might continue someday. Wowie wants me to continue it. She got a real kick out of it, which made me feel better after scarring her with the other ficcie, Lemon Meringue Pie. Once again, I'm so sorry Wowie! I will make it up to you someday! I promise!

Special Thanks to Wowie for beta reading. **:glomps:** You're the best! You really have no idea how much I appreciate it and adore you for it.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Naruto. It breaks my sick, little, black heart that I don't. If I owned Naruto, yaoi fans around the world would weep for joy. But alas, I don't. It belongs to brilliant mind of Kishimoto-sensei… think he'd let me borrow him for real? Hmmmm…

**Pairings:** SasuNaru, KakaIru (mentioned only)

**Note:** Ino, Naruto and Sasuke are all 19.

**Warning:** This fic is yaoi/shounen-ai. That means guys on guys! **:drools:** There's also some foul language but who can blame Naruto? So, don't come crying to me that Naruto and Sasuke aren't gay, it's wrong, that I've tainted your virgin eyes, blah, blah, blah. This is my fic, don't like it then don't read. So don't blame me for your lack of self control and homophobic views. All you'll get from me is pity and contempt.

* * *

- 

**Some Things You Just Don't Do**

-

There are some things in life that you just don't do. For example, you don't piss in the wind because you'll end up unpleasantly… damp. You don't eat yellow snow; it should be obvious why. You don't tell Sasuke that you wanna be on top or don't feel like doing **_it_**, when he's really… uh… amorous. He gets seriously annoyed if you say no; not that he'd hurt you in any way. He just gets this unpleasant look on his face, which is why I've only done it a few times (even though the sex is amazing after that).

Anyway, back to the things you should never do. You should never hide Kakashi's Itcha, Itcha books; he gets really evil if he doesn't have them (I found that out the hard way too). And finally, you should never mess with a girl's hair, especially if you're dealing with a girl named Ino. Normally, I would remember something like this but she just pissed me off so damn much that I forgot that that was on the list of what you should never do. Which is why I am now tied up, dangling from a tree branch in nothing but my boxers.

What did I do, you ask? The question should be what did **_she_** do? Once again, that bimbo was throwing herself at **MY** Sasuke! MINE!

Not that she knows he's mine. Only a couple of people know about me and Sasuke. The reason for this is pretty obvious. There's the vengeful and possessive fangirls and of course the judgmental, holier than thou villagers. Even though it has been six years already since Sasuke ran off and came back, a lot of the villagers still haven't forgiven him. Six freaking years! He was only gone for a couple of months before he came home but they won't let go of the fact that he left.

Then there is of course their high opinion of me. I've never been the most popular guy in town, no need to give them another reason to ridicule me further. Telling them just isn't worth the grief. Not that it's any of their business or we care what they think, but life is hard enough as it is.

So we didn't tell anyone. Unfortunately, over the four years since we've been together we've been… um… caught in the act four times.

Kakashi was pleased; he even gave some pointers. He also told Iruka because _'he couldn't keep any secret from his lover.'_ Yeah, right. He just wanted to rile Iruka up and it worked. Iruka accepted it though. That is, after he threatened Sasuke with bodily harm should he hurt me in any way, either shape or form. Heh. Sakura however was not pleased, neither was Neji and for that matter Itachi.

Sakura and Neji accepted it eventually. Sakura had already given up on Sasuke when she got an eyeful… of us. She wasn't so mad at us for being together that much for not telling her and trusting her (though she was shocked that we were… involved). As for Neji, he just cursed fate and destiny. Actually, he still does. I didn't know he had a thing for me at the time and it looks like his feelings hadn't changed even if I'm with Sasuke now. But he stands back except for the glaring contests he and Sasuke get into.

Itachi is still not pleased. He found out 3 years ago when he walked in on us… mid-coitus. Apparently he has a thing for me too. Who knew? I sure as hell didn't. Every little once in a while I get very _suggestive _and_ explicit_ letters from him. They always say if I get tired of Sasuke, he'll be waiting for me and then goes into the all sorts of ways he can _satisfy_ me. Sasuke really hits the roof when he sees them. But the sex is amazing after he gets an eyeful so sometimes I make sure he finds them _'first'_. Have I mentioned that Sasuke gets really competitive when it comes to Itachi?

Sasuke alsogets really territorial. But then, so am I. Stupid Ino. This is all her fault! If she and the other fangirls would just give it up, I wouldn't be here right now. She went too far the last time she 'flirted' with Sasuke. She actually had the nerve to grope him! Argh! Stupid, stupid, **STUPID** girl!

Naturally I had to retaliate. Nobody gropes my Sasuke but me! I know how she feels about her hair and that it would be the perfect way to get back at her. Unfortunately, the little voice that would normally remind me that girls get psychotic when it comes to their hair and Ino's already unstable was on vacation. Damn the luck… but it was funny. I could hear her scream all the way to mine and Sasuke's bed.

_Sasuke blinked and looked over at me. _

"_What did you do?" he asked when he saw the satisfied grin on my face. He knows me so well._

"_Nothing."_

I wonder if he'll come looking for me anytime soon. We always meet for lunch and it's already way past 1 o'clock. I hope he does before Ino comes back. I can't believe she did this to me! I totally forgot about her shinranshin no jutsu (mind-body switch technique). That bitch took over my body long enough to make me strip and walk into her trap. And while I was getting my bearings, she tied my arms down and my legs together.

I guess she didn't like the new look I gave her. I snuck some dye into her shampoo bottle. Orange dye. It matches my jump suit quite nicely so that's probably what gave me away. I guess I should have dyed it green instead. But then she should be grateful because I even contemplated on putting Nair into it. They make one that's unscented and I could have hidden it easily, what with her shampoo having a flowery and sweet smell. After this, I just might do it… and quickly leave town. I'm sure I could hide out at Gaara's and I'm sure he won't mind. Sasuke would though. For some reason, Sasuke really doesn't like him. The glaring matches those two have makes the ones Sasuke and Neji have look like flirting. But since just about everyone is scared of Gaara, hiding behind him would be a good idea.

I hear someone approaching in the forest and I pray to any god that will listen. Please let it be Sasuke. Please let it be Sasuke. Please let it be Sasuke… Crap. Ino. I don't like that look on her face… or those hair shears she's holding.

"Back already? I don't know why you're so mad. Orange really is your color!"

Me? A masochist? Probably. Sometimes I just can't control myself.

"Shut up, you moron! You've ruined my beautiful hair!"

"Aw, c'mon! It's not like it fell out! You should be grateful I didn't put in Nair! Incidentally, you need some. Sasuke isn't big on facial hair." Though he does like to stroke and kiss my whiskers. Heh.

"WHAT! Why you- you- ARGH!" Ino screams and pulls her orange hair.

Mwahahahahaha!

"If you're not careful, you might start to look like Asuma… Is it true he used to be a lesbian?"

"WHAT! Lesbian's are women you idiot!"

"I know that! But I heard he used to be an ugly woman…"

"Are you calling me ugly?"

"No, I am." Sasuke suddenly appears into the clearing, glaring at Ino.

"Sasuke!" We both shout.

"Sasuke-kun, look what he did to my hair!" Ino whines as she waves the hair shears in the air. "Kick his ass! He's a menace!"

"Naruto… how the hell did you get up there?" Sasuke asks as he ignores her. "And where the hell are your clothes?"

"She did that stupid mind control thing! It's not my fault! And she burned my clothes!"

The evil witch. That was my favorite jumpsuit, damn it!

"It is too your fault! If you hadn't done this to my hair, I never would have wasted my time on a loser like you!"

"Shut up." Sasuke growls.

"Sa-Sasuke…" Ino murmurs.

"Don't you talk to him like that. Let him go now, onna!"

"But…"

"But what? Let him go, we're late for lunch."

"You actually want to spend time with him! If you want someone to eat with, I'd be more tha-"

"Let. Him. Go. NOW. Before I gut you like a fish and hang you with your own intestines!"

Shocked, Ino throws a kunai to cut the rope holding me to the tree. Sasuke easily catches me in his arms and smirks down at me. Bastard. He probably thinks this is funny. Lucky for him I love him. I'd throttle anyone else.

"You okay?"

"Yeah… was a little worried though when she came back with those hair shears. She was gonna shave me bald! I'm sure of it!"

"Is this true?" Sasuke asks as he glares at the shears in her hand.

"Excuse me! Have you NOT seen what he's done to my hair?"

"Yes. Should I care?"

"Sasuke-kun!"

"I'm only telling you this once Ino. I'm not interested in you. Come near him again and I will kill you."

"But, Sasuke!" Ino shouts.

"C'mon Naruto, were going home."

"Uh, it might help if you untie me first."

"Nah. I got plans for you… since you're practically naked already."

Sasuke leans down and kisses me on the lips sweetly. I can hear Ino's jaw hit the ground along with the shears she was holding. Shit, the list of people who know just keeps growing and growing. Ino's a huge gossiper; this is going to be all over town in an hour! There's no way in hell she's going to keep our secret! Sigh.

"What the hell! Sasuke, you're… you're…" Ino's face is a mix of shock, fury and disappointment, "With him!"

"Speak of this to anyone and you will suffer."

"Why him!"

"That's none of your concern. The only thing you have to worry about is keeping your big mouth shut."

Sasuke throws me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and slaps my bottom.

"Ow!"

"You're going to repay me all sorts of ways when we get home, aren't you Naru-chan?" He smirks.

"Kinky bastard."

"Aw, you know you like it, koibito."

"Well duh! I would have left you years ago if I didn't."

We leave the stupefied Ino back at the clearing as Sasuke carries me home so I can 'repay him'. Hmmm… wonder what he wants me to do? Crap. He wouldn't…

"Sasuke?"

"Yeah?"

"Exactly how do you plan on having me repay you?" I ask. My voice laced with suspicion.

Sasuke smirks hugely as he answers, "You'll see…"

"God damn it! You're pulling out the neko maid uniform, aren't you! You know I hate that thing!"

"But you look so cute in it… and molest-able."

"Oh please. According to you I'm molest-able by just holding a loaf of bread!"

"Hey, it was a French loaf! It was very suggestive!" Sasuke slaps my bottom again, "Stop complaining. You're wearing it!"

"Awww! But it's itchy!"

"Don't worry, you won't be wearing it for long…"

**TBC…**

* * *

- 

¹ The neko maid uniform like the one Kanau wears in Eerie Queerie. XD Kawaii!

Well? What do you think? Should I continue someday or leave it as it is? I probably could continue it, I currently have a couple of ideas that will most likely leave me when I finally get around to writing them. Anyway… REVIEW! Feed my ego and build my self-esteem!

Sasuke: You know it's really sad that a woman your age needs people to stroke her ego and build her self-esteem.

Chris: Yes. Yes it is. Now go away, I have to write chapter 17 and make Naruto hate you. **:glare:**

Sasuke: Noooooooooo! ;-;

Naruto: Don't worry Sasu-chan, we can still be friends!

Sasuke: **:wails:** I wanna have privledges!

Naruto: Review! Reviewers get plushies of me in a cute neko maid uniform!

* * *

**Edit / Update 5-9-05:** Fixed some punctiation things that didn't transfer right. FFNet won't let you use more than one punctuation mark at the end. Also, the fic will be continuing and chapter 2 is about halfway done. 


End file.
